Becoming Confident

I am a firm believer that confidence is vital if you want to be happy in life. Confidence creates or breaks us; it is that simple. You don’t become successful without having some confidence in who you are and your abilities. This is a fact that cannot be ignored.

So, have you gone to the store and bought yourself some confidence yet? Obviously, the answer is “no” because you can’t get confidence in a can, pill, book or shot. You may have noticed, confidence cannot be bought nor will you find it if you go looking for it. You will probably find people who have it but if you outwardly search the entire world you will not find it. But if you cannot buy it and you will not find it in the world, how do you get it? That question raises another good point to be made; you cannot get confidence.

By now you might be asking, “What the hell are you getting at?”

Confidence is not something you can obtain or receive; you must become it. No one has confidence but there are people who are confident. Once you can understand the distinction between “having vs. becoming” confident your quest can truly begin.

Your Confidence Compass is broken & how to fix it:

As I mentioned, there is no pill or potion that will give you confidence so you must change the way you think about it in order to become confident. Most people seek books, speakers and other ways to resemble the confidence of others but you are searching in the wrong direction.

Our compass is backwards; no fault to your own this is the way we were taught in most cases. But it is your fault if you don’t fix your compass now before moving forward. The fix is simple. In fact it’s not really a fix at all rather a change in how you look at the compass. Right now your compass is pointing outward, implying confidence comes from something out in the world. Consider the following; turn your compass around so it is pointing the other direction. Where is your compass pointing now? It should be pointing directly at you. You may be thinking, “it still must be broken because I’m not confident so how can I find confidence in me?” As I mentioned in the beginning, we don’t find confidence; we become confident.

Let me put it this way, think of a pet. You can have your pet but you really can’t become your pet. If you lose your pet you must go looking for it because you are two separate beings. Now in a similar thought, when you have confidence you become confident. If you lose your confidence it didn’t leave you. You still have confidence but you have to find it again. Since confidence cannot leave you there is no reason to look outwardly for the confidence because it is still in you. So we must look within ourselves to find and become confident. Which by the way, you and I and everyone else was born with confidence. Whether we have used it in the past or not, it is there waiting for you. Now that you know where to look for confidence, let’s find it.

Becoming Confident:

Your process toward becoming confident will be different for everyone else and the paths you take will vary. Along with that some of you will find confidence and lose it again and some may be able to maintain it. The process is the same no matter how many times you find and lose your confidence. Simply put, the process is a challenge. To become confident in whom you are; you must challenge yourselves. First, you need to decide who you want to become, figure out who you want be in this lifetime. A tool you can use is to ask yourself the following, “How will people describe you?” Once you decide who you shall become and start acting in this manor, the challenges will start coming. Everyone around you has gone through these challenges if they have chosen to be who they wanted to become. This is crucial to becoming confident because people want to tell you who you should become and if you decide to go on a path that doesn’t line up with their path, it scares people.

Stand your ground and move in the direction you choose! If you can overcome the changes of living in a manor and way that you want to live you will become confident!

Building & Maintaining  your confidence:

Confidence is like a muscle. If you do not continue to challenge yourself your confidence will eventually shrink and become weak again. Becoming who you want to be is great way to strengthen your confidence but now we must keep building it. Again, this will vary from person to person; if you have chosen to become who you are because no two people can be the same. At this point you should now:

  • What you like to do
  • What you want to do
  • What scares you

Make a list of each one of those topics then balance your life around those three lists. When you can balance your life around those three lists you will be able to live in a way most people only dream of living. You can be confident in who you are and what you enjoy. Your confidence will allow you to be adventurous and by doing stuff that scares you will be able to continue to strengthen your confidence.

A simple yet challenging way to live but you can and will own it!

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Stephen Mattson

Inspiration. Faith. Christian Culture. Writing.

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